Domestic violence or domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviours inflicted (usually) by a man against their partner/spouse. Perpetrators of abuse do this to gain control and power over their victim.

Domestic abuse can take place at any point in a relationship and can continue even after a relationship ends.

It can also take place between family members and can take place against anyone regardless of their age, gender, religion, ethnicity, socioeconomical status etc.

Domestic abuse is a violation of your human rights and a crime.

There are various forms of domestic abuse. When talking about domestic violence, people usually think of the physical abuse. If there is no physical abuse, the abuse is often minimised or not recognised as part of domestic violence.

• Here are some of the different types of domestic violence:
• Physical/sexual abuse
• Emotional/psychological abuse
• Coercive control
• Financial/economical abuse
• Harassment/stalking
• Online/digital abuse and harassment

If your partner is subjecting you to any of the above types of abuse than yes you are experiencing domestic abuse. It is important to acknowledge that this is happening and get the help you need.

You should not be suffering from any form of abuse in your marriage. If need Islamic support, guidance or mediation and want to get help from the regarding your marriage. Please contact us on info@greenlanemasjid.org or call our office on 0121 713 0080 to book a confidential appointment with one of our Imams.

No, it is not permissible for husbands to abuse their wives in Islam. There are examples in the Quran and Sunnah to describe what a healthy marriage looks like.

Imam Mustafa has also addressed this issue in one of our more recent khutbah’s (Friday sermon) please click the Youtube video below:

Sometimes it can be difficult to recognise that what you are going through in your relationship is abuse or not. A lot of abuse in relationships builds up gradually. It starts small and almost always gets worse over time.

The patterns of abuse are about the way the perpetrator is making the victim feel. If you have to worry about the consequences of your actions and you feel scared and intimidated about what will come from them, that is a sign that there is something not right.

People argue sometimes and in relationships its normal to have healthy disagreements. But you should never have to fear that you will be subjected to abuse because of an argument.

Sometimes it is not even as a result of an argument but perhaps something more trivial, such as not providing the dinner on time, or not cleaning the house well enough. All of those are not reasons for you to be abused (emotionally or physically).

Another sign is if you are being isolated from having a support network. Not being able to see or speak to family and friends. Not being allowed to leave the house or have people visit you.

Perpetrators often apologise and try to make things right with promises, gifts, and other gestures to show their victim that things will change.

Domestic abuse is usually perpetrated by a partner in an intimate relationship. However, family members can sometimes be complicit in the abuse.

If you have tried to get help and support from a family member or in-laws and you have been victim blamed or emotional and physical abused further this is part of domestic abuse.

There are ways to report the abuse and get the help you need. Contact us for more information.

It is important to know that when someone discloses that they are being abuse, it is something difficult for them to share. It requires a lot of bravery and a lot of people are embarrassed to admit it.

Therefore, it is critical to ensure that you believe them and not question what they are telling you. Do not say that you cannot believe it, or what a nice guy her spouse seems etc.

No one knows what takes place behind close doors, so as a friend or family member be a source of support, understanding and patience for them.

The best way to support someone is to be there to listen in a non-judgemental way. Offer a listening ear and remind the person that they are not alone.

Offer emotional support, encouragement and try to build their confidence.

Reassure them that you will support their decisions and that it is not their fault what it happening to them.

Give them information about specialist support service and encourage them to call the police if they are in immediate danger.

Leaving a violent relationship can be extremely dangerous and should be done in a careful and safe way with support in place.

It is very common for perpetrators to blame the victim for the abuse. A lot of the statements will be things such as:

‘’If you did not do that, I would not have….’’

‘’You are always doing things to make me angry….’’

‘’Other wives are not like this, why can you not be more like them….’’

Just remember that you are only ever in control of your own behaviour. You cannot take responsibility for how someone chooses to behave or treat someone else. You are not to blame for anyone else’s behaviour or actions.

If you feel as though it is difficult to communicate with your spouse, try to get someone to help mediate the situation. If a family member or friend is unable to do this speak to the masjid and get support from one of our imams.

If the abuse is physical and you are fearing for your life, there is no room for mediation. Call the police and ensure you make your safety the priority.

• Report domestic abuse to the police
• Refuge/temporary accommodation
• Domestic abuse support worker
• Financial support
• Support from imams at the masjid